Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
