I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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