$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
