I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
