Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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