its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
