I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
