I looked at my own cervix.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
