All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
