This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
