im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
