like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
