If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
