Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
