it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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