Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
