The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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