As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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