I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
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You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize