I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
