i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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