hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
