i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
