My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
