Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
