turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
