Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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