if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
