After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
