ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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