for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
