Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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