Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
