I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize