He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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