You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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