We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
