i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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