38 yer olds are good kisserssss
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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