Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
are you so shy because you have an std?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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