He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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