hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
