i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
