thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
