So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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