he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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