Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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