OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
