So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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