My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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