You're so nebulous sometimes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
