My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
