i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize