so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
