if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
