cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
