I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
