i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
