Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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