Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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