Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
