Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
