she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
