if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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