i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
