oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
where are my eyebrows?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
