Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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