dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
