I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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