now i know why i became what i already was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
