i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
