I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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