I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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