Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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