dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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