Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
