So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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