This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
